Advantages of being together but living apart
For most people, it is natural that when you are a couple you live together. Yet, we also hear stories about couples who say that they have only been together for so many years because they were not together every day, usually because of one of them were working far from home for longer periods of time. We are of course all different with different preferences in life.
It is, however, a fact, that the well-established ideas about how a couple should live together were created at a time where men and women didn't live together because of love. They lived together because it was the most practical setup for meeting the biological needs for shelter, safety, food and reproduction. The woman needed the man to earn money and provide safety, and the man needed the woman to run the household and deliver the next generation. It was pretty much a no-bullshit arrangement with well-defined roles and responsibilities.
Despite it is many, many years ago that it was the only possible construct for living together, most people still live that way. At least partly. Both parties most often have an income and both parties most often take responsibility for running the household - at least when it comes to couples where both have higher education and usually quite well-paid jobs.
We are no longer living together because we have to. We are living together by choice. That is a great thing but we usually don't use that freedom to experiment with other ways of living together. Some do, but most people don't
But maybe we should consider alternative ways of living together now that we have the freedom to do it. Don't you agree?
Living Apart Together - LAT
As we are far more independent than before (not only the women) it will make sense looking at the advantages of living apart but together. The official abbreviation is LAT - Living Apart Together. Wikipedia writes:
Couples living apart together (LAT) have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses. LAT couples account for around 10% of adults in Britain, a figure which equates to over a quarter of all those not married or cohabiting. Similar figures are recorded for other countries in northern Europe, including Belgium, France, Germany, the Netherlands, Norway and Sweden. Research suggests similar or even higher rates in southern Europe, although here LAT couples often remain in parental households. In Australia, Canada and the US representative surveys indicate that between 6% and 9% of the adult population has a partner who lives elsewhere. LAT is also increasingly understood and accepted publicly, is seen by most as good enough for partnering, and subject to the same expectations about commitment and fidelity as marriage or cohabitation.
Within Asia, "walking marriages" have been increasingly common in Beijing. Guo Jianmei, director of the centre for women's studies at Beijing University, told a Newsday correspondent, "Walking marriages reflect sweeping changes in Chinese society." A "walking marriage" refers to a type of temporary marriage formed by the Mosuo of China, in which male partners live elsewhere and make nightly visits. A similar arrangement in Saudi Arabia, called misyar marriage, also involves the husband and wife living separately but meeting regularly.
Many advantages of living apart
Here are some advantages you might want to appreciate
- Most well-educated singles are relatively happy by being singles, but they are looking for a partner to make their lives even better. That means you might hook up with a person who is as big an individualist as you are yourself. Therefore you both have the need to be yourself and do your own things.
- By having your own home you don't have to discuss and compromise with anyone about anything that is important to you. You can have your cocoon just like you want it. He or she can come and visit and you can have a great time together but you decide how you want to have it.
- You will constantly have the pleasure of visiting the other or expecting a visit
- You will never have the discussions over who is going to take the dishes, when or how to clean or anything like that. It is either your way or your partner's way
- You can much better control the cost of living because you make all the decisions yourself
- If you have kids from a previous relationship you avoid a lot of conflicts by living apart.
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