There are myriad reasons why dating is so hard, though one psychologist we talked to says that it should be hard to a degree. And while technology has made some facets of dating easier, it has also complicated others.
The Paradox of Choice
The paradox of choice2 is that it’s harder to pick the more options you have. With the advent of dating apps and social media connecting us to more than just the people we know in our areas or might serendipitously meet somewhere if you’re thinking dating now is harder than it was in your parent's generation or even ten or fifteen years ago, you’re not wrong.
"Dating should be hard on a certain level. It’s a careful decision and you want to be open but not too open, and it’s hard to find that sweet spot," says therapist Chloe Carmichael, PhD.
Many people go into a date thinking or hoping that this may be their last date—or this is the person they’re going to marry. Think about it in terms of friendship—you wouldn’t go to a party thinking you’re going to meet your best friend that night, right? Why is dating differently?
Though this seems to be changing, albeit slowly, many of us were raised seeing the typical family unit depicted in culture as a married couple of a man and a woman with two kids and a house in the suburbs. The animated movies and fairy tales many of us absorbed as children were heavy on a damsel in distress being rescued by the prince and living happily ever after.
People, particularly women, are perhaps more worried about their safety than they’ve ever been before. The rise of online dating and technology, in general, adds new concerns, such as being catfished, receiving unwanted explicit photos, or someone sharing your explicit photos without your consent.
When we founded The Educated Singles Club, it was a core issue we wanted to address. That is why we have a rigid membership application process where we check identity and education level thoroughly before the application moves to the next phase in the approval process.
Traditional dating apps make it more difficult
It is a paradox that while it is easier than ever to find people online we have a harder time finding the right one. Several psychologists argue that:
- We are afraid of committing to a person because there might be a better option after the next swipe.
- Many people have bad experiences with online dating because of fake profiles and scams
- Many are disappointed that the personality doesn't match the initial impression.
In your club, The Educated Singles Club, you know it is different. You have the opportunity to connect with fellow members on many different channels. You can connect based on intellectual admiration, professional commonalities, shared interests or experiences, etc. That is why we encourage you to show as many facets of yourself in your profile and when you are posting something.